...just aren't worth getting out of bed for. The ol' man's ex called with yet another crisis this morning. This one is critical, but normally, they're just a bunch of hooey. Any way, this morning she calls him and tells him that she's kicking their oldest (16 year old, who will now be called "Justin") out of the house. It seems that Wednesday morning she thought he looked stoned, so she relentlessly questioned him until he confessed that he's been smoking marijuana. To top it off, he had a stash in his bedroom and claimed to have been smoking in the ex's (let's call her "JoAnn") house. Now, JoAnn runs a daycare out of her house as her only source of income. She does pretty well, but obviously if Justin's actions became known, she'd be in a world of hurt. Not to mention the effects, if any, on having the other kids around. I can't help but have a lot of questions about all of this. Of course, I can't really ask any of them of the ol' man (still need a name for him...how about if I call him Tim, as in Tim Allen of Home Improvement since my ol' man is a contractor). SO, I ask you all, since you know about as much of what is going on in my life as I do. First, why did it take two days for JoAnn to tell Tim about Justin's screw up? Second, why did it take JoAnn two days to punish Justin for breaking the rules? None of that makes any sense to me. But I can't help but wonder as to whether tossing Justin out on his ear is really the best form of punishment for this situation. Apparently, he's getting his marijuana from his friend and his friend's Dad. *Cringe* talk about a parent of the year... And now that he's been thrown out, guess where he's going to stay. No really, guess. Yep, with this friend and his Dad. So, by throwing him out, isn't that kind of like condoning it? They (Tim and JoAnn) claim that they won't help to support him at all, but I really don't believe it. JoAnn is not a disciplinarian in the least, and to date, has never followed through with any punishment. And Tim still feels guilty about what divorcing JoAnn has done to the kids, so I can see him caving relatively quickly. This is such a weird situation. And though finding out your kids have experimented with drugs and alcohol isn't really all that weird, it is a really difficult situation. I don't feel as if I can offer any valid opinions on this at all. I mean, sure, I've done some naughty things in my day, but most of them were "calculated risks". You know, getting drunk when I was staying the night at Mafia Wife's place, kind of thing. Where it was at least somewhat safe (unless you're falling off of bunk beds). And not having kids of my own, I never feel like my advice is even remotely valid. I just don't think that tossing Justin out of the house is a good idea. I think it'll cause more harm to him in the long run then any lessons that he might learn. And I'm afraid that it will destroy the already tenuous relationships that he has with his parents. Of course, this is just an opinion. I can't say that I really know this kid very well since he refuses to acknowledge that I exist. I'm just thinking about myself at that age and what all of this would have done to me.
Any way, I've reached a mental block on this, at least for the moment. If any of you have any opinions, advice, anything, I'd greatly appreciate it. I know I don't have any say in the children's disciplinary regimen, but sometimes it's nice to know that I've got some advice to offer to Tim when I'm listening and trying to support him. And who knows, maybe I'll even give you guys credit! Just kidding, of course I would.
2 comments:
I know it isn't going to happen, but the whole family needs to seek out proper family counseling and address this situation as a family. Throwing "justin" out is not the answer and they are merely "throwing him to the wolves" as it were.
They need counseling, the the ex isn't going to be much for participating in that. Cost shouldn't be an issue, as many churches offer free counseling for families that are members of the congregation, as I recall they are members of one.
So sad and a pure example of making bad parenting choices and what can result.
Exactly! They've already tried the counselling thing as a family through their church, however "JoAnn" refused to go after a couple of sessions because she found out that she was part of the problems and would need to change. She prefers to believe that everyone else was at fault and that they all need to conform to her expectations instead of being individuals. Like I told the ol' man, they're lucky that it was only marijuana at this stage since Meth, Heroin and Coke are so easily available (and who knows what else). But can you believe that this friend's father is the one buying the crap for them? That just threw me for a major loop.
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