Almost a month

Well, it's been almost a month since I've posted. I've started working at a local mega-store doing a whole lot of stuff. Frankly, I've been pretty darned whipped. It's been too long since I've worked, and even longer since I had a job where I was on my feet all day. To top it off, I work first shift, which sounds really good, in theory. Unfortunately, first shift constitutes 5am Monday through Saturdays, and 4am on Sundays. Except this Sunday which is weird because they're having us come in at 3 in the morning. I can't say that I remember when the last time I stayed up past 9pm was. The only reason I remember the last time I was up past 8 is because Phenomenon was on and I had to get my dose of Criss Angel. Oh yeah! It must have been Tuesday night then that I stayed up past 9 since Mindfreak was on! I'm not really sure it counts though since I had to take a 2 hour nap in order to stay awake long enough to watch it. And by "had to" I mean that I fell asleep and there wasn't a chance in hell that I would be woken up. All in all, it's going pretty well with the job. It's not the greatest job in the world, but at least it's income.

Not a whole lot else going on though. Kitty of Doom is being a little bastard and is going to have to go and stay with his daddy. This breaks my heart since he's my baby and I have trouble falling asleep without his snuggles, but he's been tormenting Mafia Wife's cat to no end. I wish I knew why he was doing it, and I wish I knew how to get him to stop, but he only seems to get totally out of hand when I'm not here (when I'm here, he tends to hang out with me upstairs). So, I made the decision to have him go and stay with Tim for the time being. It tears me up since he's been about the only thing constant in my life for the last year and a half, but it's not fair for him to cause such stress to MW's cat either. Hopefully, it won't be a problem for Tim. It had better not be! I should probably start thinking of alternatives just in case though. It'll be kind of rough for KoD since he's such a mama's boy, but I think the quiet will be more to his liking. Frankly, there's just a lot of stuff going on here all the time what with the boys being normal kids and the dogs and stuff. He's never experienced any of that and he hasn't really adjusted very well from the looks of it. Hopefully, this will be better for everyone concerned. Except maybe for me since I think he's actually my kid. Oh well, suck it up and deal with it, right? My decision, and I have to do what's best for the majority, not necessarily what I want.

Any way, that's my big update. I hope everyone is doing well. I'll try to update again soon, but since nothing really goes on in my life, "soon" might be in another month!

Finally something to write about

Yep, I figured that I finally had something to write about. Why you ask? Because my lazy self finally got a job. Now, it's not one of those "I'm gonna be a millionaire in 6 weeks" kind of jobs. But that's probably pretty good. In fact, this is probably the least money I've made since the mid-1990's. But you know what? It's work. I'm going to be out and about and there's even a chance for advancement, if I do my job well enough. All I know to do is to do the best that I can, and hope that I can continue to do it better. So that's my big exciting news. I'm happy, but I'm not nearly as thrilled as I should be. Probably because I'm still trying to absorb the shock.

I had a nice weekend though. I went down and spend Saturday and Sunday night with Tim, and we had a really nice time. Saturday night we did our fun outing. We go out to different places and do an "Appetizer and Dessert" Night. You know how it is, you go out to a restaurant and even if you're famished, you never have room for the appetizer, dinner, and dessert, so we go out to places we've never been and get appetizers, check out the menu, check out the place, maybe have a drink, and go somewhere else after for either more appetizers or for dessert. It's really a lot of fun. We went to some places that I never would have thought of this weekend. If you've never thought about doing this, I really do recommend it. It's a great way to find different restaurants. I hate trying new restaurants because I'm really picky about food. In fact, I am an anti-vegetarian. I hate veggies. Except broccoli. Smothered with cheese sauce. Though you can hold the broccoli if you want. So doing this, there's no "obligation" to find something on the menu. If the appetizers don't look yummy, you get your soda or your drink and go somewhere else. Tons of fun, especially when you get to talking with the staff of whatever establishment you're in and get their recommendations. So, that was my big weekend. Yep, it doesn't take a whole lot to get me excited!

Hanging out

I'm just sitting here hangin' out wit' my homies...(Do they still say that? I'm sooooo out of touch). Monster Puppy is over on the bed keeping an eye on the shadows. She has to do this or else they might move and come after her, you know. Right now they're staying pretty still, but she won't be fooled. Kitty of Doom is making sure that Mafia Wife's chest (for storing things you pervs) doesn't levitate out of the room. Always a danger. Without these two, I think this house would be overtaken by floating chests and shadow people.

I've got a second interview tomorrow, so hopefully that will go well and I can become a productive member of society once again. Plus it'd be nice to see a few "pluses" in the bank account instead of the "minuses". I know, I'm greedy. That's pretty much all that's going on for me. I don't lead a very exciting life. But my back hurts and I could use a massage. Do you think I can train Kitty of Doom to do this?

For the Mom's out there

I've got nothing real exciting to report, but a friend of mine sent this to me via email and I thought I'd share with you all. Have a good chuckle!


Why God Made Moms
Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:


Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger
parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice
in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use
string, I think.

Why did God give you Your mother & not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty
bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get
drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES
to chores?

Why did your Mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a
goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the
bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between Moms & dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home & dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but Moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your Mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of
plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get
rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who
did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

I feel a little weird today...

So, I thought I'd share this lovely video that I saw on Cute Overload. Gotta love them over there for there pursuit of all things cute and funny. The perfect antidote to a crappy day or a blah kind of day. Enjoy!

Moving's Finished!

Yay! The moving part is pretty much done. At least, all that is absolutely necessary is all moved. I still have some boxes that have been packed since I moved to North Carolina like 4 years ago, but I think I can live without that stuff for a while. When I got here, Mafia Wife had the upstairs all tidied up for me, and Bobby had printed off some poster sized pictures and tacked them up to the wall for me so that I felt more comfy. Well, that and so I can now tell everyone that I get to sleep under Criss Angel every night. :) Now if only I knew some magic of my own to make those pictures come alive! We've got everything pretty much arranged to be functional, but I don't think that my furniture will win any awards. The Kitty of Doom has had some "Soft Claws" installed on his front paws so that he can't destroy or wound too much while he's making the adjustment from a quiet apartment to a busy household. He's getting braver every day and I imagine he'll be ready to seriously face the dogs in a decade or two. It's funny, he's most interested in the one dog that doesn't like cats. Figures. Mainly it's because she really doesn't acknowledge him or pay him any attention. The other two really want to check him out. One wants to snuggle him and the other one is just curious. Monster Puppy is still an enigma to KoD; she's so exhuberant and he's just not sure what to make of it. I do believe that he's figured out that they don't want to eat him. Which, of course, is a plus. Well, that's all for now!

Moving Day

Yep, don't have much time to do anything today. It seems that I've got a million things to do, even though I know I've been doing things for quite some time in preparation for this. Ugh, what a day! A few errands to run, a load of laundry to do, and some packing up to finish up. Hopefully, there's enough hours in the day to do it. I had to take a break from shoving stuff in boxes though. It really got to be too much for me. Here I thought I'd be able to finally unpack soon. You know, packing up my stuff for a move into a house of my own. Well, that's not going to happen. And I feel like my relationship is ending, even though Tim doesn't think so. He's got all these plans to come visit; we'll see if any actually pan out though. I have this gut feeling that as soon as his kids find out that I'm officially gone, he'll be getting a lot more phone calls to go do stuff. And a lot more calls from JoAnn asking him to come over to the house to do some stupid thing or another "because the kids need him." I don't begrudge him time with his kids, but I also know how the ex tends to abuse him in this. And to some extent, it seems like his kids do it too. That's my opinion though, and I try to keep that to myself. Ugh, I need to get in gear and get this shit finished. What a mixed up, confusing kind of day. All in all, I feel like a completely useless POS. Enough about that though. Gotta make the best of it and get things straightened out in my life and head before anything else can work out. So, I'm off! Hope to be able to write again soon!

A Day Late

Yesterday, I had an interview over at WalMart for a CSS position. It seemed to go pretty well, and I had a second interview on the spot. I should find out more sometime near the end of this week, beginning of next. Fingers crossed.

And of course, yesterday was September 11th. A terrifying day in our nation's history, and in the world's. I remember hearing the news when I first got to work that day and someone ran and got a television immediately so we could find out what was going on. I remember watching the news coverage and seeing the second plane slam into the other tower. I remember frantically calling and emailing my sister because I knew that her sister-in-law, Michelle, and Michelle's husband Steve, were flight attendants who normally flew out of Boston. Michelle and Steve are my niece's godparents. I have only met them a handful of times, but they are wonderful people. I was terrified that that was their flights. And it was. Our family was incredibly lucky that day because Michelle and Steve had decided to take a little vacation and were not on the plane that day. Unfortunately, many of their friends, co-workers, acquaintances, were. I remember the plane slamming into the Pentagon. I remember all of the rescue operations and stories from the streets. I remember the frantic search for the other missing plane, only to find it crashed in a field in Pennsylvania. I remember hearing the wife of one of the men on that plane tell the reporters about how her husband called her and told her that they were going to try to take back the plane from the hijackers, and that if he didn't come home, to tell their kids how much he loved them. I remember our entire office in tears, or standing there in stunned silence watching the events unfold. I have so many memories of this day. The terror, the grief, the pride in our police, firefighters, paramedics, etc. I wish I had the words to thank those people for all that they did, and continue to do every day. I wish I had the words to comfort the grieving families and loved ones. But I don't. All that I have are my memories, and the lessons that I learned that day.

"Murphy" is a bastard

Yep, him and his stupid laws. And I can think of a few choice places where he can stuff 'em too. Oy vey.

Here's the latest round of my life always succumbing to these stupid laws. I got a call for an interview, for tomorrow morning. Yep, from an app that I sent in two months ago. Sonuvabitch! And what do you bet that I bloody well nail this interview too? You know it's gonna happen because I'm supposed to be moving this coming weekend. Oh well, if I get the job then at least I won't have to spend a bunch of time job hunting. Of course, I'll have a lovely hour drive to work, but who knows, maybe something can be worked out there as well. That's assuming that I'll get the job. Heck, I'm not even sure what kind of position I'm interviewing for since I applied for like five with this company!

And the frustration continues. I'm telling ya, I'm really getting tired of packing and unpacking things. I still have things packed from when I moved to North Carolina, which was about 4 years ago. On the up side, it'll be like Christmas when I finally get a chance to open up those boxes! But, I was going to talk about my latest irritating frustration. It seems that my idiot boyfriend didn't bother to move the boxes that I had packed up, like he said he would. Oh yeah, so surprised. That in and of itself is no big deal, but since someone went through the boxes that I packed while I was gone this weekend, I'm more than a little peeved. Now I get to rearrange them all over. You know, when I pack a box, there is actually a method to my madness. It may not seem that way to someone else, but when I put certain items into certain boxes, I really do have a reason for doing it that way. So now I get to waste time doing it all over again. And if I happen to find anything missing, I'm going to go ballistic! I really don't think that I will, but if I do...

Happy Labor Day!

To all of you that work out there, I hope you had the day off and get to enjoy some time with friends and family.

As for me, I still feel pretty crappy. Even though I knew that my little test would be negative, there was some small part of me that was hoping that it would be positive. I admit it, all that I've ever wanted was to have a family. To be a mom. I have no illusions that I'd be "the world's best mom" or anything like that, but I know that I would have tried. This latest disappointment feels like that hope, that dream, has finally flew right out the window. What do you do when your fondest dream slips right out from under you? I'm still trying to figure that out. I've spent most of the weekend bawling my eyes out, but it doesn't make me feel any better. I'm thinking I've got to find something else to take the place of my biggest hope. I just wish that I could curl up and die, to be honest. I know, that wouldn't solve anything. But I just can't seem to get a grip on this. It's like all of my hope is completely gone now. Everything seems a little duller, colors, light, everything. Okay, not everything. There seems to be this big gaping hole where my heart used to be. I wonder, can a person live without a heart? I think I'm the Tin Man all over again. Rusty joints and all! Even my lame attempts at humor are falling short. I guess I need to search for a silver lining in this dark cloud. I'm not really good at finding those. Let's see, what could be good about this? Well, I won't have to worry about the crappy school systems. Or paying for college. And if I want to travel (yeah, like I could ever afford that!), I can. Um, yeah. Somehow, that doesn't make me feel better. No dirty diapers or 2 a.m. feedings. Not that that would have mattered because I'm usually waking up about that time any way. Oh yeah, no stepping on Legos or Hot Wheels at 4 in the morning. That's gotta be a perk, right? I think I'm a mom without a child. If I were Catholic, I think I'd be looking into a nunnery right about now. Though I probably wouldn't be accepted because no matter how hard I try, I've been cussing God out big time this weekend. Well, I'm going to keep digging for that silver lining. Until then, I think I'm going to go bury my face in kitty fur and force the Kitty of Doom into some snuggles.

That would be a negative

So, I took my little test. Got up first thing this morning and peed on the stick and waited a couple minutes to see if it would turn blue. It didn't. So, it's a great big negative that I'm preggers, and Tim can breathe a huge sigh of relief since he didn't seem overly thrilled by the prospect any way. I guess I'd better figure out what's going on. Gah, I can't afford this right now! Okay, I'm feeling pretty yucky and hopeless at the moment, so I'm gonna cut this short. This isn't the week that I get a miracle. =(

10 Years Ago Today...

Ten years ago today, I woke up, got ready, and headed out to work. You know, pretty typical day. I got there and a co-worker who knew me pretty well runs up and hysterically asks, "Are you okay?" I'll be honest, I had no idea why this girl was freaking out and so worried about me. So, I answer and ask why she's so worried, you know, that which seems so normal. The words that came out of her shocked me so badly, and I can remember that moment so clearly it's like it happened yesterday. She said, "Princess Diana is dead." She knew that I am a huge fan of the Royal Family, and of Princess Diana in particular (though I'll confess that when I was a young girl, I was convinced that I would meet and marry Prince Andrew. No idea how that would have ever happened, but I was certain that it would). Today marks the tenth anniversary of her death, and though the pain isn't fresh, it still makes me stop and think. I know that there are still some people out there who believe that there was some sort of conspiracy surrounding her death, but I'm not one of them. Oh sure, I totally understand why someone would want to believe that. I mean, here's this cultural icon, someone who seems so full of life (larger than life in some cases), and suddenly she's gone. I didn't want to believe that someone who had such a profound effect on my life could be taken in such a preventable and all too common occurance as being a victim of a drunk driver. But, that is what happened.

Diana, Princess of Wales, taught me many things. To be empathetic. To try and reach out to those who everyone else seems to have forgotten. That it was okay to have problems and feel lost sometimes. So today, of all days, I think a proper tribute to her would be to perform at least one act of random kindness. Granted, I think that this is something that we should strive to do every day, but for me, the lessons that she taught me, most of which are too indefinable to put into words, today is the perfect day to try even harder. R.I.P. Diana, and know that you are truly missed.

Oh what a night!

Well, we had a lovely evening out for Tim's birthday. We went out and had a nice dinner, and driving home were treated to an amazing full moon. Of course, I didn't have my camera with me, and by the time we got home, I was too tired to go running around trying to get a view of it. Actually, I was fighting with a nasty, nasty bout of nausea all day, and I got to spend the later part of the evening with my dear friend "John". Yep, I gave a nice offering (my nice dinner, natch) up to the porcelain god. So now I'm stuck with a raging headache, and a nice red eye from the strain. Gotta hate that. But it was a nice evening, and it felt so good to do something nice with and for Tim.

File under: "Lucy, you (might) have some 'splaining to do"
Unfortunately, yesterday wasn't my first bout of this lovely nausea. In fact, it's been going on for a while now. And I know your first thought, "OMG, are you preggers?" Well, it was my first thought too. Especially considering other, um, visitors who have failed to make an appearance quite yet. Truth is, that's something I've been hoping for for soooooo long, that I'm afraid to even think about it. To say the least, if I were, it would be really really really bad timing. But then, when isn't it? As for the explaining, well, someone would have to explain a LOT of things to me! I mean, the doctors have said that it's a mighty small chance that I can ever get pregnant. Not to say that I can't, but it's a very big long shot. And to top it off, Tim has had a vasectomy, so (though I know that's not 100% effective), that would put the odds of us getting pregnant somewhere in the "Not Bloody Likely" category. Unless you can get pregnant from dreams. Then Criss Angel is going to have to cough up some serious child support. *Sigh* It was one helluva dream, but it was just a dream! So now I'm trying to figure it out. The "symptoms" could be explained in a number of different ways from something as normal as stress to menopause to major medical conditions. Now, I don't think it's menopause, I think (hope) that I'm too young, but it's hard to base it off of the women in my family since I'm the only one that hasn't had kids. Not to mention that I really don't want it to be that because then even that miniscule chance is ripped away from me. I hope it's nothing major, for obvious reasons. It could easily be stress because I do put myself in some very screwed up situations. So now I'm trying to figure out whether I should invest in one of those lovely tests. On the one hand, I'd have a better idea of things. On the other, well, when it comes up negative, it's hard to convince yourself that you weren't hoping it came out positive. Maybe I'll just go rip a branch off a tree and pee on it. I mean, if it turns blue, I'll know, right? Yeah yeah, that ain't gonna work. I'm at a complete loss as to what to do. I know I need to find out, but I don't know if I can handle seeing the test come up negative. Silly, I know. But I've been hoping, praying, and trying for more years than I care to count. I pretend to have the "whatever will be, will be" attitude, but I'm not really that good of an actress. I've already talked to Tim about it (and was terribly relieved when he didn't accuse me of sleeping around-haha), and he's cool with the idea, however, he's obviously worried about how all this would pan out. Hell, if his kids won't come over because I live here (and I haven't seen hide nor hair of them in a year), imagine if there were another child involved. And you can damned well better believe that I wouldn't be carting my kid all over hell and back just so that they could come over for the weekend. That's just ridiculous. Oy vey, wouldn't that be a fine kettle of fish? Oh god, what to do, what to do? If anyone is still reading this long raving post, and you've got any advice, I'm more than happy to hear it. I know, one step at a time. I guess I'd better work up the courage to buy a test, huh?

Party!

Okay, so there isn't a party. But today is Tim's birthday and I'm trying to get everything done to make it a nice one. We'll be heading out to dinner tonight, and I think I've gotten all of the shopping done for it. I couldn't figure out what to get him so I just bought a bunch of clothes (more than I planned because I managed to stumble into a nice sale! Yay!) He doesn't want a big production, so I'm skipping the cake. Though I'm thinking about going out and getting some stuff to make a little ice cream cake. Nice and easy, and quick too. We've been together for a long time, but I've never been able to really do anything for him for his birthday. So though he doesn't want a big deal made out of it, I'd like to do something nice for him. I think I'm going to head out later to see if I can find a couple of pairs of jeans for him since his are all ripped up from work. I looked through every stinking pair of jeans at the store yesterday, but couldn't find his damned size. Every other size, but not his. I love that he's tall, but what a pain in the butt to find clothes! I have to admit that getting him clothes is a disappointment for me. I know he needs stuff, but it's just so boring. And I've always thought of birthday and Xmas gifts as a time to get someone something that they've wanted but wouldn't necessarily buy for themselves. Mafia Wife and I were talking about this, but it's hard to get something for someone who either has everything, or doesn't really want a whole lot. Part of the problem is that with money being scarce, neither one of us will say "Oooh, I'd love to have that!" when we're out and about shopping. Since we know we can't afford all of the luxuries right now, both of us are trying hard to be on our best spending behavior. Which makes gift ideas difficult to come up with! I think I'm a lot easier because I will still say, "I want that...someday". Tim doesn't. He just glances at it and walks away without even showing it to me. Ah well, someday, with some hard work, we'll be able to do nicer things for each other. Hmm. Gotta decide whether I want to do the ice cream cake or not. Okay, well, I want to do it, but will he think I went overboard is the real question. Especially since we're going out to dinner and could conceivably order dessert while we're there. Decisions decisions. Maybe I'll just wait and make Yours Truly's French Toast. Damn that stuff sounds good... I feel the pounds packing on along the hip area just thinking about it!

R.I.P. Riley

It's a sad day for my family today. I just got an email from my sister saying that they had to put their family dog, Riley, to sleep this morning. He's been sick for a while, and the doctor's weren't able to figure out what was wrong. Well, they finally found out. He had cancer in his stomach and it was too far gone for them to be able to operate. Riley was a very sweet dog, with lots of affection. He liked nothing more than to be pet and to snuggle. He was so wonderful with my niece and nephew. The things he tolerated! Though in truth, it seemed to me that he wasn't tolerating, that he just loved it. He loved his family so very much and I think his biggest regret would be that he couldn't have stayed to take care of them longer. So now that he's in Doggy Heaven, I thought I'd put up the two pictures that I have with him in it. I'm slapping myself that I didn't get any pics of just him. But these will have to do as a memorial to that great and loving dog named Riley.



Here he is in the background keeping his eye on my silly nephew


And again, in the background trying to keep this goofy boy out of trouble

Laundry day

Yep, I'm doing laundry. How very exciting. And to top off the day's events, I get to go shopping tonight! Woohoo! Okay, really, not exciting at all. But not every day gets to be a party. And I really don't have anything to say today, but I'm bored and need a break, so here I am regaling you all with my uneventful day. Let's see, what else have I been doing? Pretty much just trying to organize and stuff and make out my lists of things that I am going to need/want when I join the Mafia. Got lots of stuff on my list, but a lot of it is "eventually" stuff. Of course, I think I've figured out the real reason that this is going to happen. I've been longing for their TiVo. Yep, I'm gonna admit it. Though I think they only want me there for my Playstation. But I get the last laugh there because it's only a PS2! Muhahahahaha!

Okay, and on that note, I thought I'd share something amusing/cute with you. Because I'm kinda bored and I've run out of stuff to say.

Decision made

It's taken a little over a year, but I've finally made the decision to inflict myself on Mafia Wife, Bobby and children full time. Pray for them. Tim's middle kid decided that he would not come over on Tim's weekends any more because I still live here with Tim. He feels that Tim has lied to him because somewhere down the line Tim and his ex-wife (JoAnn) planned that I would move out when I got a job. Well, I haven't found a job yet, and that plan was not my plan. That's the problem with making plans that concern someone else; they may not go along with it. When I first heard about that plan, I told Tim in no uncertain terms what a very bad idea that was. But now I'm an even bigger bad guy because his kids don't want to spend time with him if I live here. Granted, they haven't even seen me in more than a year. I guess seeing my stuff is too much for them to handle. I wonder how much they'll holler when they realize that much of the stuff that's here that they use and enjoy is mine and will be going with me...Oy, shouldn't think those kinds of vindictive thoughts. I mean, it's not the kids' fault that they feel the way they do. Perhaps if their parents had had a little bit of discretion things would have worked out differently. But alas, we'll never know now.

So I feel pretty shitty. I've been fighting and working for this relationship for many many many years, and I feel like this has pretty much signed it's death warrant. Though I'll only be about an hour away, it's not easy trying to maintain a relationship that way. And, though I have no qualifications in determining children's behavior, I think that they will continue to make ridiculous demands on their dad. Like I said, I'm not qualified to figure out kids will act, so I could (and probably--hopefully--am) be way off base. But I know when I was a kid, if I did something and it resulted in getting what I wanted or getting things done the way that I wanted, I kept doing it. And when it started failing, I'd step it up a notch. And so on, and so forth. By letting the kids decide who lives where and who he dates, etc. I think Tim has really painted himself into a corner. I don't think that the kids will ever allow him and I to be happy and if they finally "allow" us to be together, I think they will do everything in their power to try and make us miserable. I'm probably way off base, but that's my gut feeling.

So on top of feeling shitty, I feel like I haven't ever made a good decision in my life. Luckily, there is some evidence to disprove this. At least a little bit. I was smart enough (though maybe the credit shouldn't be entirely be given to me) to pick the right kind of friends. I may not have a whole slew of peeps that I can hang out with, but the ones I've got would give me the shirt off their backs. Or in this case, a place to live while I get back on my feet. How bloody lucky is that? I mean, how many people can honestly say that they've got people who'll not only be there through the good and bad, but that'll prop them up and keep them going every step in between? I'm pretty damned lucky. That's probably the biggest understatement of the century. So I gotta get my arse in gear, get a job (hopefully a halfway decent one), and get out of their place before I drive them up a wall. I can't even tell you how mixed my feelings are right now. I mean, I'm so happy and so proud to have such wonderful friends, but I am soooooooooooooo worried that I'm going to do something that'll screw it all up. No matter what, I had better not let that happen.

And on yet another note, I feel kind of guilty because I've been having incredibly horrible, evil thoughts. I mean, really evil, at least for me. If you know me at all, you probably know that I am too nice most of the time. Apparently I have a very vindictive streak though. JoAnn (Tim's ex-wife in case you've forgotten) had to go in for a colonoscopy today, and I've been hoping all freaking day that the doctor slips with his probe. Though maybe we'll all get really lucky and the doctor will find her head up there. I can think of a lot more stuff she can shove up there that rotten, horrid person. See? even when I'm being mean and bitchy I'm still "nice". No wonder I'm so messed up.

Okay, off to see what else I can get packed up. Oh crap, I need more boxes. Grr, I don't wanna go to the store...

Flashbacks, oh no!

Well, nothing has been going on around here. I mean nothing. It's been rainy and gray for what seems like forever. I'm starting to have flashbacks to living in Juneau. It's scary. I almost asked Tim if he wanted to go for a drive out by the glacier yesterday. I think that means it's time for the sun to come out again. Or it's time for me to seek counselling. But then, we've known that was the case for years! Okay, since I'm having these flashbacks, I thought I'd share a photo from my days in Juneau. This is of the Mendenhall Glacier which was about 3 miles from my house. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, although Alaska is gorgeous, I could NEVER live there again.




Btw, this was obviously taken on one of the VERY rare sunny days. I do mean very rare. Remember folks, this place is in a rain forest. Like, for real (Tongass National Forest).

eww, jury duty

Yeah, joy. I've been summoned for jury duty. How thrilling. I can't say that I'm overjoyed by this. How can I make decisions that affect someone else's life (and sometimes multiple people) when I can't even figure out my own half the time? Oy vey, I really hope that there isn't any thing pending that needs a jury. I really, really, really don't want to do this. I guess I shouldn't complain, I mean, it is my duty and all that crap. But I just don't feel competent to do it. Sitting there with a bunch of strangers waiting around all day, I will be such a basket case. Though maybe I should be glad. I mean, if I do get stuck being on a jury, then they'll pay me. Sure, it's a pittance, but it is better than what I'm making right now. You know, if I get stuck doing some long drawn out case, that's when I'll get a boatload of calls for interviews. Bloody Murphy's Law, I swear. Grr. One step at a time. Just have to wait until it's my time and make my phone call and hope that they don't need me. And hope. And hope. Patooey!

Ho Hum

Nothing going on. Really. It's been so incredibly boring around here. And even quieter than usual. My "big" night has finally arrived. Yes, Criss Angel's doing his "Naked Escape" stunt tonight. Kind of a bummer that they're blocking it all out, but then again, after he and I run off and elope together (yeah right!), I'll probably be glad that all the fans of his show didn't see his, um, gear. And I'm sure I'll be content seeing him in his CK's. Yum. Though after tonight, what am I going to have to look forward to? Hohum. Maybe I'll just nap away the rest of the week. If only.

Oh yeah, and this one is for Mafia Wife. Because it reminds me of her. A lot. I mean, a whole LOT.



And for Bobby, though I'm not sure exactly why, this just reminds me of him: