WTS Boyfriend

I'm so angry and frustrated right now that I could spit nails. The boyfriend was supposed to call me this morning so we could figure out when he was going to be in town to do some errands for me. Supposedly, it all depended on my need and how awful I'm feeling (pretty bad, btw). So I wait for the call. He FINALLY called at 4:10 p.m. How the hell is that morning???? He tells me "Oh so sorry, I got to playing with the kids and their rats and forgot." How bloody sweet. I'm lying here, hardly able to breathe, and you forget to give me a call. Nice. Then he tells me that he's decided to come back tomorrow and hopefully he'll have enough time to swing by. Excuse me? Hopefully you'll have enough time? Like I haven't given up enough crap for you and your damned monsters? All I'm asking is for someone to run to the darned store for me and pick me up a few necessities. I wouldn't even ask that, but I haven't been able to make it out of the building without a coughing fit that would drop a good sized horse. Maybe I'm crazy, but the idea of trying to drive while having my head in my lap coughing up gobs of blood coated mucus doesn't particularly appeal to me. Trying to maneuver in a full store while coughing so hard that I'm wetting my pants doesn't appeal to me. I know, I'm a terribly selfish person. I realize this. I realize that it's insane to rely upon anyone but myself (and a very few select others-my 'rents, MW & family), but I thought that after all this time, and all the promises, that just once the boyfriend would pull through for me. I keep setting myself up for these disappointments. I don't know what I'm thinking any more. The more I think about it, the more I think that having my own place would be a really really good idea.

Bleh, I hate ranting like that. I know that's kinda what these things are for, but it'd just be so nice to be able to write some happy thoughts. Or maybe a cute/funny story. Hell, it'd be nice to experience any of those.

Still Alive...I Think

Like the title suggests, I think I'm still alive. This pneumonia thing is awful. One day it's one "symptom" that just kills you, the next it's another, and so on. Today it's these waves of pain starting at the bottom of my ribcage and radiating up my side and back to join up once again in my shoulder. It feels like some meanie is just sticking me with a spear or something, over and over again. I had a ton of trouble sleeping because of this too. I'm so exhausted, but everytime I start nodding off, WHAM!!! My left side decides that it would be a good idea to launch an escape pod.

All-in-all, this has been probably the most terrifying week in my life. I can think of a LOT of worse things by far, but luckily I've managed to avoid those (though with my luck, who knows). I've been alone pretty much constantly. Most of my sleep comes from little quickie naps (5 minutes here, 5 minutes there). I've been coughing so hard that I am worried about incontinence. The stuff I'm on makes me a little loopy too. It's like, I see things happen and stuff, but it doesn't process through my head for a few minutes. I really hate this. I have to run out to the store, but in truth, the thought of that just terrifies me. I don't know how on earth I can manage that. I'm just sooooo worried that I'm going to just fall asleep (yes, it's been happening a lot). If anyone has any brilliant suggestions, I'd love to hear them.

Any way, my eyelids are getting really droopy suddenly, and since I'm exhausted, I think I'm going to see if they won't lead me into a nice little nap. Later.

Tuesday

It's Tuesday and I'm still not doing so hot. Hopefully everyone out there had a wonderful holiday though. I don't remember a whole lot of mine. I fell asleep a LOT. Though it's not really like falling asleep. It's almost like passing out. I really don't know how to describe it. I get about an hour when I can actually stay awake, and in that hour I get about 20 minutes or so where I have some cognitive function. Most of the time staring at the ceiling exhausts me. I haven't been getting the chills lately (knock wood) and I've been able to eat more real food. Yesterday I could barely eat a bowl of soup. I literally fell asleep after eating about a quarter of a bowl, woke up and ate another quarter and just couldn't do any more. Everything is foggy. I think I remember stuff, but I'm just not completely sure that any of it has happened. It's really frustrating. And today, the boyfriend was forced by his ex-wife to take his kids for the week. How great. I know I'm being selfish again, but if I can't even manage to walk from the bathroom to the living room without taking a nap (I wish this were an exaggeration, but I've even dozed off in the bathroom because I was so exhausted), I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to handle anything else. And he's hoping I'll be well enough to go see Mafia Wife and crew this weekend. Um, yeah. I can barely stay awake for an hour but I can drive for a hour and a half? Not seeing this happening. No, I'm not really contagious. Unless I coughed right in someone's face or spit in their mouth or something equally gross. But, I am still coughing up blood-tinged mucus and coughing so darned hard that I fear I'm going to lose control of my bladder one of these days. I guess I just can't see how on earth I can drive up there and impose this kind of crap on my friends. Heck, I don't know. Maybe I'll be able to get a recheck appointment and they'll tell me everything is great and I'll be able to go. I can't see that happening (I think they'll tell me I'm progressing, but not take me off the medications). And the stuff they have me on is pretty hefty. Robitussin AC (the one with codeine) for my cough and stuff. This one knocks me out. It'd come in really handy for those nights I can't sleep! And Biaxin XL, this one has my throat and tongue pretty cottony, and worse. My mouth tastes totally like metal. I haven't found anything that really helps with it, but when it gets too bad, I pop a Halls Breezer or a stick of gum. They don't help for long, the duration and about 20 minutes after, but it does help a little. Okay, my eyes are starting to droop more and more, so I should probably lay down for a bit. Toodles!

Yeah, okay

So I'm still dying here. Okay, not really, but I am freaking exhausted, coughing so badly that I think I blew a toe or two off, and hurting badly. This pneumonia crap is pretty icky. I probably shouldn't go into all the nasty stuff though. Heck, I probably won't be able to remain awake long enough to get into any of that. Gods, I would kill to take a shower, but I'm afraid I won't be able to make it. Guess I had better just suck it up and do it. Wish me luck!

Yucky icky bad stuff!

So I woke up this morning absolutely freezing. Shaking uncontrollably, muscles tense, the whole bit. The boyfriend wrapped me up in blankets and tried to keep me warm, but it just wasn't working. Then, it got worse. I was pretty much passed out all day today, barely able to sit up to cough. It was hellish. The left side of my chest hurt so badly, I was sure I was having a heart attack or something. After the bf got home from work, I started coughing up blood tinged phlegm (happy happy joy joy!) and he rushed me off to the ER. Turns out I've got a very nasty case of pneumonia in my left lung, around my heart. It's really not pleasant. I hurt so freaking bad, and I'm just whipped. I'm telling ya, I'm really sick of being sick!

Weekend

So, it's Friday. You know, if I had a job, I'd probably be feeling pretty relieved that I'd be having a few days of goof off time. Oy, I think I picked a really bad time to move back home! The boyfriends kids are coming over for the weekend, so I'm packing up my crap and heading up to Mafia Wife's place. Luckily, the weather has been pretty mild (especially for December). I really hate driving in crappy weather. It's funny, the reason I hate it is because I just never can predict what the jerk in front of me is going to do. Oh well, it's pretty decent out there, at worst, a bit windy, but nothing dramatic.

Wow, you know things are boring in your life when you manage to type out a paragraph or so about the weather. It's one of those things I've always feared, and now it's coming true! I'm boring! Though any one who knows me probably already has that figured out. Next thing you know, I'll be typing about my physical ailments. Of course, my joints have been getting pretty stiff lately...ARGH!! NOOOOOO!!! I'm old and boring! Someone please shoot me now!

Ummm....yeah

So it's been a week since I've rambled on about anything. For the last couple of days, I've been trying to think of something that I could come on here and spout off about, but I've got nothing. It's almost like a writer's block sort of thing, but on a much grander scale. Though at least something is grand and not just mediocre. In truth, it's just been one of those numb kinda weeks. Nothing going on. Nothing. No breaks in the job front. No shocking insights into my personal life. Nothing. Nada. Nil. It's so bloody empty that if I were to scream right now, the only reaction that I would get would be from the cat. And he'd just meow and tell me to shut up and stop bugging him. ARRGGGHHH! I hate this feeling!

BRRRRR

It looks like winter is here to stay for a while. Yucky. How could such a pretty season be so horribly cold? On the unusual side, I got to experience this cold in a totally different way then ever before. Let me explain: Mafia Wife wanted to pick up a Nintedo Wii system for her hubby, the Boss Man, for his birthday and Xmas. She found out that the local Toys-R-Us had a few that they were going to put out on Sunday morning. So she decided to try and get one. No problem, right? Wrong. The demand for these puppies is soooo high! We ended up spending the night outside of the store so that we could get one!Layers upon layers of clothes, tons of blankets...It was bloody cold! We managed to survive, though I think that the Discovery channel should make our plight into an episode of "I Shouldn't Be Alive". Well any way, MW got the game system (YAY!) and we managed to get warmed back up. Amazing how exhausting sitting on your butt all night in the cold can be! I slept sooooo hard! It's all good though. Any time that you can spend with friends is a good time. Though if she ever tries to get me to go mountain climbing or something, I'm gonna disown her.

Oh the weather outside is frightful...

And that's the most of my singing as you're gonna get! Which is a good thing, in my opinion. So the weather is crummy. Here's it's a mix of freezing rain and snow. And I get to drive up to Mafia Wife's place today! Yay! From what she was telling me, they've been getting pretty much just snow, so with luck, it'll just be a long drive. I'm a bit miffed, because the man is being kind of a twit. He's all concerned about my welfare, even offering to drive me to M.W.'s place, but he's opposed to letting me stay at a hotel here in town. Granted, it's expensive, but a lot less expensive then if I were to get into a car accident! I know I'm being selfish, but it just irks me that yet again I get to make sacrifices for his kids. It's bad enough that I have to impose on my friends every other weekend for a place to stay (though MW says it's no problem--by the gods, I love that woman!) but now I get to risk life and limb? Okay, so the weather probably isn't that bad. But if it's bad enough that his kids aren't safe to go less than five miles to school, why is it safe for me to drive 75? I don't get it. All because one kid isn't "comfortable" around me. Maybe because he won't talk to me? Maybe because he ignores me and treats me only slightly better than dirt? Huh, good way to get to know someone. Give 'em your worst and wonder why they don't bend over backwards to cater to ya. Maybe I should try that sometime. Grr, I feel so bloody bitter! I really hate always ranting in this blog. It'd be SOOOOO nice to just share some funny, quaint little story. The novelty! Alas, I guess I just have to keep hoping that someday I'll have a cute little story to share. Well, I need to check the road conditions and then get my rear out of here before it gets too bad. Wish me luck!