One of Those Days again

I'm having another one of those days again. For some reason, and I really can't figure out exactly why, I woke up incredibly blue. I couldn't stop thinking about my dogs and how much I miss them. It's been almost a full year since I've seen the fuzzy little goobers, and it hasn't gotten any easier. Now granted, I don't want to forget them, but I thought that after some time, I'd stop questioning whether I did the right thing or not. For those who don't know (assuming any one other than Mafia Wife might read this), when my ex-husband and I divorced and I moved back to Michigan, from Alaska, we decided it would be better for the dogs to remain there with him. Harley is getting on in years and I was afraid that the trip would be too much for him. Roxy is and always has been a daddy's girl and would be so heartbroken to leave her daddy. And Kyrie, my little monster, she so loves to be outside romping about, how could I stuff her into a little apartment where she could only go outside once in a while? To this day I question whether or not I shouldn't have just taken Harley and Kyrie with me. Roxy was the ex's before we ever met, so there wasn't a question there. Sure, we bonded and I love her like my own, but the bond wasn't ever like her bond with my ex, and I couldn't tear her away from that, it would have been beyond selfish. But Harley, my darling boy, we were together for 13 years. Whenever I come home, I still look for him to greet me at the door. I wake up wondering why he's not at my feet. And Kyrie, we brought her home when she was six weeks old (yes, I know that was way too young!). I took her to her first vet appointment, I held her when she was so sick with giardia and she could barely lift her little head. And every night I wake up wishing that she were snuggling up next to me, burrowing her face into my hair (this was her "thing", she loved to cover her face up with my hair). For some reason, it's worse today. I wish I knew why. I just hope and pray that it's not because there is something wrong with one of my furry angels. You know, some sort of sixth sense thing going on. I miss them so much. I know, some folks would say, "They're just dogs..." but they were more than that to me. Whenever I felt lost or hopeless, which was a LOT when I was in Alaska, they were there to snuggle with me. Whenever I just needed to vent my thoughts, they listened (which is more than the ex could do) and didn't judge me. They gave me love for no reason other than to be loved in return. It breaks my heart to think of them so far away from me, considering everything that they did. Yes, I'm a sentimental fool, but I don't care. They are my babies and nothing will ever change that. No matter how far away or how much time passes, I hope they know how much I love them and treasure the time I had with them. And hopefully, someday they'll forgive me, even if I can't forgive myself.


An old picture of my Harley



Kyrie, with Roxy in the background