Gray Days

The last few days have been gray and dreary. Just the sort of day that makes you want to stay in bed. I haven't had much energy to actually do anything. It's funny, I've always known that these kinds of days affect humans, and if I hadn't known, three years spent in Southeast Alaska sure would have taught me, but I never really noticed how it affects our pets. My little Kitty of Doom (who's first birthday is just around the corner-if he lives to see it) has been extra snuggly due to the gloominess. Now he's my first ever cat, so I'll admit that I don't know that much about them, but I've never known a kitty to be so touchy-feely as he is. He loves to snuggle and is normally really close to where the people are, even when he wants to be alone. And if I'm around, he spends a lot of time curled up in my arms-not my lap-like I'm toting around an infant. He gives so many kisses that sometimes I think he's going to peel the skin off of my face! (no, I don't think that'd really happen, but if you've ever been kissed by a kitty, you know they're tongues are like sandpaper). And if he's about to doze off in my arms, he puts his little paw up to touch my cheek. It's like he actually wants that contact. I don't know if that's true or not, but that's how it seems to me.

And on a different topic: Mafia Wife will be pleased with this one. I told the ol' man that when I get back from my parents that we were going to sit down and discuss me moving in with The Family. He's clammed up completely since then, and our conversations have been even rarer than normal. It's making me feel pretty awful. It's starting to seem more and more like he's doing everything possible to avoid me, and that if he is stuck or can't come up with a way to go elsewhere, he pretty much clams up and doesn't say a word. I'll admit, this last year hasn't been the greatest for me. I'm in something like year number four of depression, so I'm sure I'm not a joy to be around. But it would be really nice to have a conversation once in a while! And I honestly don't remember the last time he even made a suggestive comment to me, let alone put the moves on me. If you've never been depressed, and I hope you haven't, let me tell ya, feeling unattractive and unappealing is like a knife through the heart. I'm not going to lie and say "It's all his fault!" because I know better. It is really difficult some days to get dressed let alone put on makeup or do my hair. And the worst part about that is that not doing those things makes you feel even worse! Such a double edged sword.

Of course, with this constant crappy feeling hovering about me, I'm really unsure about inflicting others with it. Gods, what if it rubbed off on the boys? I know, I know, it's not contagious, but it's one of those weird things that run through my head. And yeah, I get a little too protective of the boys. Sure, they're not mine, but I couldn't love them more if they were. Heck, I might even love them more because they aren't. Blech, I'm rambling and making myself feel like poopy. I guess that means it's time to sign off. Cross your fingers for some sunshine!!!