Yawn

I'm bored. Really bored. The highlight of my day so far has been going to the Secretary of State's office to get my new license plate. Yep, sitting around waiting for my number to be called was my big thrill. How bloody irritating. So, what's going on in the world? Hrrmmmm, guess I should read the news or something. Ah yes, that psycho nutcase in Maryland is still in the news. This b***h is charged with killing her newborn son after they found his remains wrapped in a towel under the bathroom vanity. After searching her house, they've turned up the remains of three more pre-term children. Two in a garbage bag stuffed into a trunk in her bedroom, and a third in a mobile home nearby. The cops are now digging up the yard searching for more. I don't get it. I just don't. I mean, if you don't want to have a child, use birth control, have a tubal ligation, something! If you're having trouble carrying a child to term, talk to a doctor! Why, oh why, would someone have a child and then just stash it in a trash bag? Even if it was stillborn, it just doesn't make any sense to me. And another oddity, according to what I've read, she lived with her boyfriend. I'm assuming that the boyfriend was the baby's daddy, didn't he wonder what happened to his kid? And even if he was not the father, why on earth didn't he wonder why his girlfriend was suddenly not pregnant? People really really really piss me off. Is it just me, or has the world gone completely off it's rocker? Ah yes, this is why I try not to read the news too much. I can take the headlines, but reading deeper just makes me irate. *SIGH*

goofing off

Fiddling around with the template so that I can add a few of my favorite things. You know, personalize this whole space a little. But what I really want to do is put them there videos over on that whole blah space on the right. Unfortunately, I haven't gotten it to work quite yet. I'll be tinkering around with it for a while. In the meantime, if you're curious about any of those favorites, feel free to give them a listen! I've got them configured so that they don't auto-play (wouldn't that be an instant headache with so many of them going at once!) so just clicky the play button and enjoy. If you don't enjoy, I'd suggest clicking the stop button. Yep, I'll admit it, I'm brilliant about these things!

Calming Down

So, the weekends over, and I'm starting to calm down about the car thing. Luckily, nothing came up where I had to figure out how to get around. I didn't really do anything this weekend, but that's not really anything unusual. I've got to figure out what to say to these yahoos at the shop when I get my car. I really want to get my point acrossed, but I don't want to lose all of my dignity. Some of it, but not all ;)

Let's see, what happened this weekend? Um, it was announced that Tammy Faye Bakker Messner died, which is kind of sad. She's not one of my favorite people or anything, but I did admire her enthusiasm and she impressed me when she did that show, "The Surreal Life". She always stuck by her beliefs, laughed at herself (including her trowel applied makeup), and didn't seem to really care about a person's past, just about the person. It amused me that she struck up a friendship with Ron Jeremy on that show. Granted, she didn't know who he was. It impressed me that she so willingly embraced the gay community, which I found kind of surprising since most devout christians treat them like lepers or worse. I hope that she found her answers and is now in a happier place. Rest in Peace Tammy Faye.

Yep, that's about all that I can think of that happened. Though we did have a nice sunset the other night that I managed to capture with my little camera. I was impressed that it turned out, because I really suck at taking pictures. I leave the good stuff to those who can :) So, here's my pretty sunset pic taken from the balcony of the apartment. I think I even managed to position myself to where I missed taking a shot of the messy balcony or the ugly building. OMG, I'm learning!

Shoot me now

I sat around alllllllllllllll day yesterday waiting for the call to come in that my car was finished. I was initially told it would be done around 3ish, but 3 came and went. 4 came and went. The shop closes at 6 on Fridays, so I was getting a bit worried. Finally at about 5:30 the call came that they had encountered another "problem". It seems that the housing that my oil filter sits in was cracked and it was leaking a "considerable" amount of oil. Unfortunately, they missed the cutoff time to order parts so they wouldn't be able to get it until Tuesday....

I'm just livid. That means I'm without a car all bloody weekend. Had they called at 3 like they had thought, I could have made arrangements for a rental or something, if I wanted. Granted, I can't afford that right now, but if I had something that I needed to do, I could have had time to arrange it. And if the stupid leak was so "considerable", how come they didn't notice it in the beginning? I mean, hell, they had the stupid car overnight! Aren't they supposed to be trained professionals and all that? Bobby noticed the oil leak from when my car was parked on the road, and he's not "trained" for that kind of thing! Maybe I'm asking too much, but I would just assume that a mechanic or whatever the politically correct term is these days, would happen to notice that there was a puddle of oil laying there. So I'm without a car for 5 days. Of course, that's assuming that they don't find anything else wrong and that they remember to get the stupid part they need.

Gods, what I wouldn't do for a new car, a garage, and a good mechanic.

Kaching, kaching, snap, crackle, pop!

That's the sound of the car bill being tallied, followed immediately by the bank breaking. It seems that my lovely Caddy had some lovlier little leaks in the valves, etc. etc. It's costing just under a grand to have the darned thing fixed. And people wonder why I don't like buying used cars...well, this would be why. You just never know if the previous owner performed regular maintenance or anything like that. And I've just never had luck with used cars. Some people (MW & Bobby) have had pretty good luck with 'em, but I haven't yet. At least when something goofy goes on with a new car, I've got a warranty. Yep, I like new. Too bad it'll be a while before I get a new one.

On a totally different note, my parents made it up to the mitten. After dropping my car off at the shop, I got a call from them asking if I wanted to do lunch. They finally got to meet their "grandson", i.e. The Kitty of Doom. Mom seemed to like him, but I'm not sure about Dad. He's never had any good experiences with cats, so he's not fond of them at all. KoD was pretty well behaved, so maybe Dad will come around.

So, I'm bored. I'm sitting here waiting for the call to tell me that my car is ready to be picked up. Luckily they've got a courtesy drop-off/pickup service, so I don't have to bother Tim at work. He's been trying to get a greenhouse job finished, but it's just one stupid thing after another. Some jobs are like that. He doesn't have any appointments (that he knows of) tonight, so he might actually get home at a decent hour. These 13+ hour days are really taking their toll on him. Gotta love summer, I suppose. Now if only I could land something. This job thing is really starting to tick me off. There's gotta be someone out there who's willing to give me a chance! Ah well, not much to do but keep sending out the resumes and filling out the applications, and hoping that the telephone will ring. Oh, and keeping my fingers crossed. Okay, that's enough for now.

Wow

Had a great time at the Staind concert last night. It was just freakin' amazing! In all honesty, it was probably one of the best shows I have ever seen. The really cool part is that this show wasn't part of their current tour. Right now they're touring with Nickelback, and they had done a show the day before in Detroit, but they planned this detour up to Grand Rapids to perform at one of the local spots. There was a Grand Rapids band that opened for them, I don't even remember the name. They weren't bad, but the vocals lacked something, in my opinion. But when Staind hit the stage, it was incredible. I can't even describe it. I've said it before, but I really do mean it, their stuff seems so totally in sync with my life, it's scary. Aaron Lewis, the singer, packs so much emotion into the songs. I don't know what it is about him, but I find him to be incredibly hot. It's gotta be the feeling he puts behind the songs. He's not bad looking, but he sure isn't what I'd call hot. He doesn't have an incredible body (no 6 pack abs here folks). Hell, I can't figure out whether he shaves his head or whether he's just bald. But...for some reason, I think he's sexy. Bizarre. I'm soooooo glad I got to see these guys. I hope that I'll get to see them again someday. If you like any of their music, I highly recommend going to see them live if the opportunity presents itself. Even Tim was blown away by the show, and he is always nagging at me to take their CDs out of my car so he doesn't have to listen to 'em!

Tonight's the show!

Yay! Tonight's the concert! I'm just sitting here waiting on Tim to get cleaned up so we can head on out. We're giving ourselves extra time, just in case. The plan is to get up there, check out the line (if there is one) and grab some dinner if it's not too long. I'm so excited! This is one of my favorite bands ever. If my life had a soundtrack, Staind would be the ones writing and performing it. It seems like whatever their latest CD is about, it fits whatever is going on in my life. Hrrmmmm, maybe they should write something super happy...Any way, gotta make sure I've got everything so I'm ready to go. Laterz!

Playing with Templates

So, as you may (or may not) have noticed, I've been playing with these templates. I kinda like this one, but I dunno, it's just not quite it, you know? I'm not sure what exactly I'm looking for. I like the dark stuff, but that does tend to make it difficult to read. So, I guess I'm looking for a happy medium. Unfortunately, all the "happy mediums" that I've found are kind of fru-fru. Those just don't seem to fit "me". I'm not exactly a girly-girl. Maybe I should just find one of some really cute guy and put that up. At least then when I'm checking it over I've got something yummy to look at. Mmmm, eye candy! Maybe I just don't have a clue what I want and I'm hoping that I'll see something and say "That's it!" I want cute, I want funny, I want pretty, but I don't want pink and girly girl and barbie doll kind of things. I want edgy and crazy. But not too crazy. You see, I don't know what I want.

On another note, I had a great big huge talk with Tim yesterday. I made it perfectly clear that his idea of waiting and waiting and waiting to have me involved in his life, including his family, is not going to work. I made it perfectly clear that if he insists that I move out and we go back to "dating" to make things "right" for his kids, that there wasn't going to be any "dating". At least not with me. Because as I see it, he and his little monsters would be tossing me out. And I'm sure as hell not going to date some guy that through me out. Any way, I did actually put it nicer than that. At least at first. I think I finally got some points acrossed. Like this plan of his isn't going to work because the kids already have an impression of me, and us living separately isn't going to change that. However, given the chance to get to know me, that might. And I think he finally realizes that if he wants us to work, that he's going to have to make some sacrifices as well. And if he wants a future with me, then he had damned well better fight for it. Like I told him, the kids would come around eventually, however, they'd come around quicker if they realized that 1) I'm here to stay and 2) that I make their dad happy, that I matter to their father. But having him hide me away whenever they're around or whenever he calls me sneaking outside so they don't hear, isn't showing them those things. Yep, gave him a big long lecture. I'm now thinking of joining the lecturing circuit. I kind of feel bad for the poor guy, he got stuck listening to me complain and nag and he didn't even have any alcohol to dull the pain. ;)

Definitions

Okay, I can't come up with anything original or amusing. I admit it. So, I stole the following from my email. I have no idea who originally wrote this, or I'd give proper credit. But, it is pretty darned true, so ENJOY!

I hope this gives you all as much as a laugh as I got!!!

9 WORDS WOMEN USE

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are
right
and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a 1/2 hour. Five
minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more
minutes
to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something,
and you
should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end
in
fine.

4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement
often
misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and
wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you
about
nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women
can
make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard
before
deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say
you're welcome.

8. Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F YOU!

9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning
this
is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is
now
doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's
wrong?' For
the woman's response refer to #3.

Clueless

I'm bored. I wanted to hop on here and write something funny or to vent or something, but I'm out of ideas. It's an empty headed sort of day, I suppose. So, I'm ripping the tagging game off of Mafia Wife's website so that I post something. I know, highly original. ;)

This Is How It Works:

Each player must post these rules first.
Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
People tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to tag and list their names.
Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
Now here are my eight things:

1) I like animals better than people. Though this is probably common knowledge.
2) I avoid having my picture taken like the camera will steal my soul. Mainly, I've only taken one good pic in my life, and it was a drivers license photo.
3) I'm horribly vain. Which is why I won't have my pic taken. I mean, I'm horribly vain. If I thought that I was remotely cute, I'd be the biggest narcissist known to man. Good thing I'm not cute.
4) I am overly emotional. I mean it. Like I cry at commercials. Hard. Oh sure, not every one, but just ask Mafia Wife how many boxes of kleenex I went through watching "8 Below". And even after watching it for like the dozenth time, the waterworks don't let up. In fact, I cried at Mafia Wife's wedding more than she did.
5) When taking the career personality tests in school, I was evaluated as someone who should go into the medical field. Unfortunately, I can not stand the sight of blood and can't even watch cheesy horror movies where everything is obviously phony. I have issues watching CSI and shows like that.
6) I hate watching tv. I mean it. There are so few shows that I like, and most of them I get on DVD so I can watch them when I want. I hate the idea of having to be in my living room at a certain time on a certain night to watch my favorite show. Next week will be hellish since the Staind concert is on the same night that "Mindfreak" is on. I don't know what I'm gonna do. If only I could steal Mafia Wife's TiVo!
7) In school, I didn't fit in. At all. I still don't for that matter. Back then, I was too freaky for the geeks and too geeky for the freaks. And too freaky and geeky for the "in" crowd.
8) I'm a motor vehicle fanatic. I love cars, motorcycles, and planes. I secretly wanted to be a fighter pilot in the Air Force growing up (but being female, what would the odds be?). I love classic cars and the high end sports cars. But, I don't like watching racing (like NASCAR). Nothing wrong with the sport, but just not something I can get my kicks out of. I'd kill for a '67 GTO. Or just about any Jaguar. Love love love Jaguars. And Lamborghini? Well, now, I'd sell my soul for a Lambo.

So there you have it. Eight incredibly remarkable and amazing things about me. Yeah, okay, whatever. I'm not tagging 8 people because, frankly, I don't know 8 people. The only folks that visit are MW, Bobby, Dink, JJ, and some of the other really sweet people that MW has met along the way. It's nice that they have taken the time to read my rubbish, but it would be incredibly rude of me to just tag them. I think I have to buy them dinner and take them to a movie first...

I'll try and think of something wonderful to post later. Maybe I'll actually do some creative writing. Haven't done that in a while. We'll see. Now though, it's off to the shower because it's late!

Nothing yet

So, it's been a few days, and I've had nothing further to post. I've heard nothing about the dogs or any of the other lingering issues with my ex. I've tried everything that I can think of, aside from hopping a plane to Alaska. I feel like someone has ripped my heart from my chest and left just a big gaping hole. The Kitty of Doom has been my only real consolation. I've used my Criss Angel videos to distract myself and to try and inspire a sense of wonder or amusement or something. I guess that even though it's been a year since I've seen my dogs, the pain is still too fresh and not ready to heal. I just can't forgive myself for leaving them. I know deep down inside that I tried to do the best thing possible for them, and I know that my pain is really just because of my own selfish desires to have them with me, but I just can't forgive myself for abandonning them. I just wish I knew what I did to make the ex so cruel as to not even respond to me. It'd be really easy to blame this on "Tim's" ex-wife and her stupid phone call. And I do truly believe that that phone call is 99% of the reason that my ex won't communicate with me. I'm so angry and hurt that all I can think about is striking out at someone, but there really isn't anything that I can do. Well, nothing that would do any good and nothing that would make me feel any better. I suppose that I just need to keep faith in Karma. What goes around, comes around. I hope that when it repays these people for the rotten way they've treated others, that it isn't as painful as it feels to me right now. Though I'd be lying if I said that I hope it doesn't hurt at all. I really would love to see my ex and Tim's ex to suffer a bit for all of this. You know, maybe have a couple of sleepless nights and go through a box or two of kleenex, that sort of thing. Not very nice of me, is it? Ah well, being nice hasn't gotten me any where, has it? Okay, maybe that's not entirely true. I've managed to make myself into a very lovely doormat for all of these folks. Now I just have to work out a way to metamorphasize myself back into a human. Hmm, I wonder if Criss can do that? Maybe it can be a featured demonstration in his tv show...

Time to change

So, I actually got a birthday present that I wanted. I'm kinda shocked. I never get something that I really want, but the boyfriend pulled through and got me tickets to see Staind at the Orbit Room in Grand Rapids. He's even planning on leaving work early so we can get there on time. Staind is probably my favorite band of the moment. I'm still devoted to the Beatles, but obviously I'll never get to see them live! And yes, George Strait is right up there, no matter what. But Staind's songs seem to reflect my life. It's odd how we find music that reflects the events we're going through. And Staind is like "middle-aged angst" as opposed to the ever popular teenage angst.

I'm still feeling pretty pissy about the ex-husband. He did manage to send me a one sentence reply that answered one of my questions. He did NOT manage to tell me how the dogs are doing. This really worries me. I'm a worrier by nature, but the more I think about this, the more ominous it sounds. If it were just the ex involved, I'd know that my feelings were unfounded because he does love those dogs and would do anything for them. But, I don't know anything about his new wife. And I don't know what sort of influence, if any, she has over him. And since he hasn't even written "the dogs are fine", it makes me wonder if he didn't find new homes for them or something. Or maybe it's just his way of punishing me for asking for a divorce. That doesn't make much sense though since he's already moved on. I just wanna know they're okay! I feel like I've lost my children. I think I've run out of tears because I've been crying so much. If this is his way of punishing me for some imagined slight, it's awfully cruel. I'm just praying to any God out there that will listen, that my pups are okay and loved. If he did re-home them, I will be furious. And I'll probably start planning a road trip to Alaska to fetch them back. I refuse to let my babies be raised by people who are strangers to me. Refuse. And though it will take most of the money I have left (if not all), I just don't care. Those dogs mean more to me then my own life. *Sigh* I guess I didn't run out of tears after all.

Yay. I'm older.

Yep, it's my birthday. Woohoo. I remember when I was a kid, I always looked forward to my birthday. Presents! Cake! Ice Cream! You know, good stuff. I never had the usual kids b-day party though because everyone was always on vacation when my birthday hit. No clowns or magicians. No pony rides. No balloons and streamers. Wow, that really sucks. Now that I'm older, I really dread my birthday. Not because I'm getting older, that's obvious to me every day. But because my birthday has always hit right around the time of some drama in my life. I blame the lack of kids parties for the really bad soap opera quality of my life. I swear, I should write my life story sometime and see about getting it published. Though they'd probably file it in the humor section of the store.

I finally got a response from the ex this morning. It was an entire sentence via email. Too bad that he didn't answer all of my questions. I guess that I'm going to keep harassing him until I get my answers. I hope that it's going to really suck to be him when I get through. Really, I'm not trying to be vindictive, I just want some damned answers. They're not even tough questions! I tried being reasonable, but that didn't work, so now I'm being annoying. I figure it's really easy for me to make annoying phone calls since he lives 4 hours behind me time wise. Hehe, so when I call at 9 am, it's 5 am there. That can't go over well...Especially when I mention that I'm going to start calling his family, and his co-workers, and especially his boss...Yep, I plan on going there if I don't get answers soon. Probably even his attorney too. If it causes him trouble, I really don't care any more. Considering how many tears that I've shed because I don't know how my dogs (aka my babies) are doing, he can just suffer. I've tried being nice my whole life, and in retrospect, what has it gotten me? Nothing. I don't even have a place of my own or a job. I've only got a few friends left (hard to maintain a friendship when I was living so far away, so I can't blame them), and my boyfriend doesn't include me in 95% of his life. So all I've really got are a couple of friends and a cat left. Thirty-seven years, and that's it. Oh, and a really bad spanish soap opera style of life. I swear I even hear dramatic music playing at key intervals. Right now, I'm just wishing for a commercial break so that I can stop thinking about all this crap. Any way, I've rambled enough for now.

Thanks to everyone who wished me a Happy Birthday. I wish you were all here so we could have an excuse for some fun and laughter!

Insomnia and mixed feelings

It's 4 in the morning. And I'm awake. I think I managed about 2 hours worth of dozing, but my mind is going to fast to rest. I hate nights like this. I found out some interesting news due to a mis-sent email. It seems that my ex-husband has remarried already and is dealing with immigration for his new wife. Huh. I'm not really sure how I feel about this. I mean, we've been divorced for a year, so I'm a little offended that he found someone so quickly, especially in such a small community. But, I'm also really happy for him. I sincerely want him to be happy and successful. But I'm also really pissed off because I've been trying to get a hold of him for a couple of months to find out some things and he won't return my calls or emails. All I really want to know is how my dogs are doing. And though it does kind of tick me off that another woman is acting as their mommy, in a way it's also reassuring that they've got someone else to love them. Plus there are a few things that I haven't heard updates on. Like when some of my stuff is going to get here (oh sure, it's nothing really major, mostly coffee mugs and stuff that I've collected over the years, but there is sentimental value attached to them, for me any way) and when exactly he's going to refinance the house. Especially since the usual legal turn around time on that in cases of divorce is one year. So, now I have to figure out ways to harass him into answering me. I figure that if I ever fall asleep, I can call him in the morning. Morning my time, that is. Since he's 4 hours behind me my 8 am phone call may not be very welcome. Hehehe. Yeah, it's mean and childish, but since he's intentionally avoiding me, I'm not sure what else I can do. Is there a way to make anonymous calls on a cell phone? Hmm, that gives me an idea. I think I still have a calling card lying around here somewhere...that would be anonymous. Seems pointless when I'm using a cell though. Oh well, the things we do to find out the stuff that's important to us! Gods, I wish I had some way to make myself fall asleep. I'm thinking of really mean things that I can do, but I really don't wanna go there. Let's hope that thinking doesn't count when all things are tallied up at the end.

Inspirations

It's a rather gray and dreary day here, and I'm feeling a bit down. The thought of my birthday in two days is weighing me down for some reason. It really sucks to not have the people that I love close enough to share the day with. So I feel very sad. In an attempt to cheer myself up, I've been thinking about the people who inspire me and why. It's helping, but I'm not sure if it helps because it makes me feel good to have these people in my life, or if it's just knowing that there are such people in the world. So here are my thoughts.

Mafia Wife: I don't think I've ever told her just how much she means to me. I think on some level she knows, but I really should tell her sometime. No matter what, since I was 18 years old, she's been there. I've cried an ocean (at least!) on her shoulders, and she's never once told me "I told you so." The things that she's accomplished may not make the evening news, but she's done sooooo much. And when I feel like poo, she's always there to say something to make me feel better. She's always there to listen to my rants and raves and offer advice. She never expects me to take it, nor does she look down on me if I don't. All she's ever done for me is out of her love for the people in her life.

Bobby: He's always there with a laugh. It never seems to matter what kind of crappy things have gone on, he's always there with a smile on his face. His cheerfulness is infectious. And when you feel like bawling your eyes out, it's nice to have a friend like this to turn to. Don't get me wrong, he is a fabulous listener, he offers good advice, but he does it in such a cheerful way that it's difficult to stay in a funk.

Mom & Dad: Once I finally figured out what made my parents tick, it was easier. You see, my folks are a strange sort. They're not happy when things are absolutely perfect. Maybe it's from working so hard all of their lives to get by. I don't know. But if they don't have something to complain about (like the dinner plates are the wrong color or something equally as stupid), they aren't happy. They've never criticised me, at least not that I've ever heard. They've always been there with a hug and a word of encouragement. They worked so hard at crappy jobs just so that I could have nice things. And more importantly, just so that I could have the necessities.

There are some of those famous people who have inspired me as well. That's not so uncommon, I don't think. Like Princess Diana (who, if you know me, is a sort of an obsession, but then, the entire royal family is with my family). Here's this woman, who's found herself in an impossible situation, and she managed to face it, and help others in their situations. She admitted that she wasn't a perfect human being, and she used that to help the very people who had put her up on that pedestal that she detested. As silly as it sounds, this recent infatuation with Criss Angel has been inspiring too. His thoughts and words have reminded me that sometimes just believing in something is enough. He worked very hard for what he has achieved, and through it all, he always believed that he could do it. Anything is possible. Anything.

And then there are some "newcomers" into my life that inspire me. There's little Vinny and the Train Freak. I just don't know how you can look at their adorable little faces and not be inspired. The joy and wonder and innocence there is heartwarming. Even when they're being little monsters. Bogey. Nope, still don't know what that word means to them. And honestly, I don't care any more. It makes them laugh, so it's all good. And then, I've recently "met" a friend of Bobby and Mafia Wifes. Dink's story was amazing to me. To think of the struggles this one woman endured is mind-boggling. And to survive it with her sense of humor intact, is incredible. Not only that, but she is such a generous soul. What I see her give to her children, wow. And to her friends, it's just beyond amazing. I hope that someday I'll be able to be so generous with myself. She inspires me to try to give a little bit more of myself every day. Especially on those days when I don't think I have anything left to give. I just hope that I get to meet her for real sometime soon.

Wow, that helped more than I thought it would. Yep, I cried while I was typing this (but then again, I cry at McDonald's commercials). But it felt good. It's nice to remember the people that we love and the things about them that we hope that we accomplish. It's like refocusing the camera lens of my life. Sometimes we just have to remember that it's not always a good idea to use the auto-focus feature since we can never be too sure of what we're going to get as a result.