Monday, July 09, 2007
Nothing yet
So, it's been a few days, and I've had nothing further to post. I've heard nothing about the dogs or any of the other lingering issues with my ex. I've tried everything that I can think of, aside from hopping a plane to Alaska. I feel like someone has ripped my heart from my chest and left just a big gaping hole. The Kitty of Doom has been my only real consolation. I've used my Criss Angel videos to distract myself and to try and inspire a sense of wonder or amusement or something. I guess that even though it's been a year since I've seen my dogs, the pain is still too fresh and not ready to heal. I just can't forgive myself for leaving them. I know deep down inside that I tried to do the best thing possible for them, and I know that my pain is really just because of my own selfish desires to have them with me, but I just can't forgive myself for abandonning them. I just wish I knew what I did to make the ex so cruel as to not even respond to me. It'd be really easy to blame this on "Tim's" ex-wife and her stupid phone call. And I do truly believe that that phone call is 99% of the reason that my ex won't communicate with me. I'm so angry and hurt that all I can think about is striking out at someone, but there really isn't anything that I can do. Well, nothing that would do any good and nothing that would make me feel any better. I suppose that I just need to keep faith in Karma. What goes around, comes around. I hope that when it repays these people for the rotten way they've treated others, that it isn't as painful as it feels to me right now. Though I'd be lying if I said that I hope it doesn't hurt at all. I really would love to see my ex and Tim's ex to suffer a bit for all of this. You know, maybe have a couple of sleepless nights and go through a box or two of kleenex, that sort of thing. Not very nice of me, is it? Ah well, being nice hasn't gotten me any where, has it? Okay, maybe that's not entirely true. I've managed to make myself into a very lovely doormat for all of these folks. Now I just have to work out a way to metamorphasize myself back into a human. Hmm, I wonder if Criss can do that? Maybe it can be a featured demonstration in his tv show...
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3 comments:
You know, I could certainly attempt to make contact to him on your behalf. For whatever his reasons may be, he's not doing much to allow you any info, but I would certainly be willing to start with maybe an email and then possibly a phone call from there. It sure couldn't hurt to attempt it, tho, if I got him on the phone, I would have to really try hard to not go off, but think I could maintain my composure.
On another note, I realize that the bf's ex is the reason he knows what went on, and that you preferred he not have any knowledge of that, but in all truthfulness, he has a right to be upset over the situation. It may not be entirely as he perceived it (i.e. you were leaving one way or another, Tim just came about shortly before going forward and assisted in helping you get to that point), but from his point of view (even tho you didn't want him to know this much) it didn't look too good. I can see how he could be feeling cheated and slighted here. I'm not justifying his actions now, just maybe saying that to some degree, he has a right to be a little upset over it. Tho I think it childish that he allow it to go this long, even after he's officially "moved on".
Yes, he has absolutely every right to be upset. I've apologized and tried to explain what really happened, but he doesn't believe me. However, there comes a point when "revenge" or "punishment" is extreme. And I think that we've surpassed this point. I just wish I had some idea of how to make it right. I have apologized in every way that I can imagine. Apparently, it's not striking the right chord or something. The main thing here is that I just want to know the dogs are all right. I'd love it if I could get a picture or something, but I don't want him to go out of his way for that sort of thing. And yes, I'd say that getting remarried would be considered "moving on". I would think that his new wife would be more than happy to get rid of anything left that belongs to me. Oh well, there's not much that I can do that I haven't already done, other than talk to an attorney and see if this violates the divorce decree (I was "awarded" my personal possessions in the case). I don't really want to go that route, but I might just have to. Any way, I hope that him and his family are happy, healthy and succeed in everything they set out to do. There's not much more that I can hope for than that.
SHOULD I WHIP OUT MY TOMMY GUN?
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